A 3 course meal in Emotional Intelligence

Every year in a small ski town in Switzerland the world’s political, academic and business elite meet to discuss the most pressing issues, trends and opportunities our society is faced with.

Last year emotional intelligence took centre stage at this exclusive event. Why? Because our future may depend on it.

As advancement in artificial intelligence (AI) and robotics continue to evolve at an unprecedented pace, to the point where an estimated 40% of current jobs will be replaced within the next 20 years through the actualisation of this technology, the ability of humans to demonstrate their human uniqueness/difference (in order to stay in power and control) is critical and one of the leading ways on how to do this will come through developing ‘us’ with higher levels of emotional intelligence (EQ). 

One such element will be to improve our ability to know when to make decisions based on intuitive feelings rather than learnt rationale (this is where technology tends to not do so well).

This can be particularly challenging when in a leadership position and there is a large amount of responsibility on you to make the right decision. Most of the time the ‘data/rationale’ backed option will be the right decision. However, every now and then there comes a time where things just don’t quite ‘feel right’ even though the data is saying otherwise and you need to make a decision. This is where having a higher level of EQ can make all the difference.

So the inevitable question I hear you asking is ‘How do I develop a higher EQ?’

And just like almost every other skill, EQ is something that can be learnt through consistent focus and action. 

It is also like eating an elephant. Way too big to eat in one sitting, but through small bites you can get there.

Therefore, here’s my suggested first 3-course meal to satisfy your immediate EQ appetite.

ENTRÉE – HUMBLE PIE

Just like Eggplant and anything. Ego and EQ don’t go well together. Therefore, I would recommend you take a few bites of some good ol’ humble pie first, of which is best served up by someone else.

Ask those closest to you some hard-hitting self-reflection questions to gain an understanding of where your EQ level is right now. Some of these questions may include:

“On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate me as a listener?”
“1-10, how would you rate me at handling pressure?”
“1-10, how intuitive would you rate me?”
“1-10, how empathic am I?” 

In fact, how you initially respond to these answers will also tell you a fair bit about your EQ. Did you at first feel defensive, curious or understanding?

Full acceptance of how others see you is a big first step in the development of EQ. It creates space for acute learning and discipline.

MAIN – SPICY TUNA ROLL

Whenever I eat sushi three things usually happen. 
1. I put too much wasabi on
2. I then look around to see who might be looking at me while my head is about to explode, and then
3. Reach for the jug of water to ease my burning throat.

Happens every time and yes I’m now going to use this unfortunate reoccurring experience to explain how a similar process can be used to develop a higher EQ.

First, you need that wasabi hit. Something to snap you out of your usual state.

Do this by setting up some alerts on your mobile that will ‘go off’ and interrupt you at random times throughout the day.

The objective here is to break you out of your natural state and make you aware of how you feel or how others may see you at that exact time.

Now that you’ve broken your usual state of consciousness and it feels like the back of your throat is about to come out of your nose. What generally happens next? Yes, you look around to see who might be looking at your red face. 

This is what I like to call the ‘Look around state’ and a fitting question to ask yourself at this time is, Right now if the people around me were to describe me, what would they say?

Once you’ve written that down you can now save yourself and reach for the water which consists of two questions.

How would I like them to describe me?

Maybe the answer is calm or confident or focused. Whatever it is, this answer prepares you to take action and answer the next question.

What can I do right now to change how I was, to how I’d like them to see me as?

In other words, it’s time to drink the water. This could be to change your posture, rephrase an email you were typing, or give a quick compliment. It just has to be something small that is in line with the state and character you’d like to be or have others see you as.

DESSERT - BREAD & BUTTER PUDDING

Your last course is a reminder to keep things simple and enjoyable. Just like Bread and Butter pudding. Mmmmmm :) 

The most effective type of new skill development is through small consistent actions done over an extended timeframe. As mentioned above, simply schedule a variety of alerts in your phone to do a similar sequence of actions over 21 days and you’ll start to notice a considerable difference in how you approach your work, people and even life.

Lastly is to make it fun and enjoyable. How can you make a game of it? Have your team contribute and start internal communication updates on the progress of the team’s development. The chances of ‘sticking to it’ increases dramatically if you’re having fun while doing it.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your meal. I’m now off to get something to eat for myself…